


White Knuckles

by The_lazy_eye



Category: Scream (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Guilt, one-sided
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-12 00:42:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13536039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_lazy_eye/pseuds/The_lazy_eye
Summary: Audrey Jensen is gunshots ripping through the cool night air. She is ripped jeans and leather jackets. She is boots that go up to your knees and eyes that bore into your soul. Her knuckles turn white in her fists when she’s angry. Her eyes go dark and she clenches her teeth. Her skin boils like hot water in a pot that was forgotten on the stove. Audrey Jensen is not what people would call soft. Instead, she calls herself something much more sinister.





	White Knuckles

**Author's Note:**

> So this is honestly the first and only fanfic I've ever written, mainly because I've never been in a dying fandom and I need some closure god dammit. I would love any and all comments and feedback. I may never write anything again, or maybe I'll write some more of my favorite murder girls. I also love me some angsty Audrey. I feel like she wrestles with some heavy demons that were never properly addressed.

Audrey Jensen is gunshots ripping through the cool night air. She is ripped jeans and leather jackets. She is boots that go up to your knees and eyes that bore into your soul. Her knuckles turn white in her fists when she’s angry. Her eyes go dark and she clenches her teeth. Her skin boils like hot water in a pot that was forgotten on the stove. Audrey Jensen is not what people would call soft. Instead, she calls herself something much more sinister.

The truth is Audrey Jensen isn’t all tough skin and white knuckles. She’s an 18 year old girl trying to figure out how to sit with herself in the aftermath of her friend’s murders.

When Piper came to Lakewood and her classmates crumpled at the hands of a masked figure with a knife and a penchant for blood Audrey hid her fear behind her anger, her clenched fists, and tall boots. Piper’s words dripped like poison down her throat, tightening her chest and restricting her breathing. Everything they had shared together, all the broken promises, still haunt her. She thought what they had was special. All-nighters in poorly lit motel rooms. Shared skin beneath the sheets of beds where hundreds of unnamed strangers slept before them. Audrey’s vulnerable state was easy to control in the wake of Racheal’s death. Piper’s clear, intentional manipulation of her still rings in her ears like the gunshot that took her down. _You’re just like me, Audrey. You’re not alone. We’re in this together._

Audrey had made mistakes in the past, but trusting Piper had been the worst mistake she has made to date. She was single handedly responsible for the deaths of over a dozen people. She was single handedly responsible for ruining the lives of the people who survived. The guilt was eating her alive.

She winced, hitting a pothole head on shaking her from her thoughts. She was never the best driver but driving aimlessly always gave her a way to escape. Driving was something she could pay attention to, but didn’t require her to focus too sharply on. Beside her, in the center console of her old, rusty car, her phone buzzed. She ignored it in favor of her own self-loathing. These feelings were almost safe for her. It was normal for her to hate herself. This was charted territory. Ever since the murders she hated uncharted territory. As far as she was concerned familiar was safe. She didn’t want new and exciting because new and exciting could very well mean certain death.

She picked up speed, cranking the volume on her radio. Music she’s never heard before and doesn’t care about blasts through her speakers drowning out all thoughts and feelings. Her phone vibrates again, but she doesn’t hear it. The road ahead of her is straight with only a few bends in the distance. The only light was from her own headlights. Her foot pressed harder against the peddle and nudging the speedometer higher. Her car shook under the force, its engine old and weathered from the years. She was subconsciously gripping the steering wheel hard enough to whiten her knuckles. Tears pricked the corner of her eyes and she wanted to scream. It would be easy to let go of the wheel and let her car careen into the tree of its choice. She doesn’t, though. Steadily, she lifts her foot off the peddle. She doesn’t break but she doesn’t gas either. She turned her radio off and let her car coast down the road, pivoting the steering wheel when needed. At some point her car fell to an idle. She couldn’t tell if she was shaking or if it was still her car. Eventually, she pulled over and took the key out of the engine.

She closed her eyes and let her head fall back against her car seat, black hair sticking to her forehead. She hadn’t realized she’d been sweating. Her nights look more like this with each passing week. She can’t sleep so she decides to drive. Audrey has always had problems falling asleep. When she was younger her mother would tell her stories how she’d drive Audrey around the block tucked neatly into her car seat just to get her to fall asleep at night. When she picked up this habit it was to feel close to her mom again and hopefully wear herself out enough to sleep. Now it’s to keep herself awake. Now it’s to keep the blood washed away and the screams quiet. When she does sleep, she wakes up soaked in her own sweat, which she could swear is blood, alone in her room gasping for air as if the ghost of Piper’s hand is still wrapped tightly around her neck. Her nightmares have too many details. They force her to face the truth she can’t accept. They mock her with the bodies of her friends and the guilt of her actions.

Her phone buzzed a third time, loud in the now impossibly quiet vehicle, jarring her out of her thoughts. She’s almost thankful for that. She grabbed it and clicked it on. The light from her screen hurting her eyes as they tried to adjust to the sudden change.

_[10:02] Emma Duval: Hey, are you awake?_

_[10:18] Emma Duval: I guess you’re asleep lol. That’s okay! Text me in the morning?_

_[10:51] Emma Duval: I’m sorry. I know this isn’t fair. But if you get these please come over. I can’t sleep._

If Audrey Jenson is gun smoke and boiling water then Emma Duval is iced tea on a hot day and sunsets over quiet neighborhoods. Emma Duval was the light to Audrey’s darkness. Emma Duval could chew Audrey up from the inside out and Audrey would still look at her like the sun rose each morning simply to bounce off Emma’s skin and hair. Emma Duval was Audrey’s absolute weakness.

_[10:52] Audrey Jensen: I was out for a drive. I’ll be over in 15?_

With a shaky breath, Audrey turned her key back in the ignition and pulled back onto the road. She could drive around Lakewood with her eyes closed. The town itself was small enough. If you wanted to you could probably walk from one edge to the other in only a few hours. Audrey had spent hours endlessly driving the edges of the town long before the murders happened. She and Noah would come out here when she felt particularly moody. She would drive and he would play his indie CDs for her to listen to. They would turn the music down and talk, conversation flowing aimlessly between laughter and inside jokes. Noah would tell stories of video games and serial killers as they drove past the tree lines. Now, when they drive too close to a particularly dense patch of trees she can see Noah’s chest rising and falling quickly out of the comer of her eye. When she asked he tried to shrug it off and pretend it didn’t happen. But she knows what happened in those woods.

She parked in Emma’s driveway, shutting her lights off and flipping her engine once again. She wasn’t sure how long she sat there before she actually got out. It was after eleven when she pulled up to the Duval house so instead of knocking she tapped a quick text to Emma to let her know she was outside. It was another few minutes before she was inside, quietly following the other girl up the stairs and into her room. The lights were low but they still burned Audrey’s eyes. It had been about a week since she had gotten anything close to a real night’s sleep and her body was starting to suffer. Three hour cat naps in her car during classes didn’t count as real sleep. 

“Thank you for coming over.” Emma said, ducking her head and letting her hair fall in her face. She was sitting on her bed now, Audrey standing awkwardly in front of her. Her voice was just above a whisper, but not to keep from waking Maggie. There was something else hidden between her vocal cords that Audrey couldn’t quite place. “I’m sorry if I interrupted you doing something, I just couldn’t stand being alone.”

“Hey, I wasn’t really doing anything interesting, unless you count skulking along the edges of town as something interesting.” Audrey moved to sit down next to Emma. It always started out like this. Emma would ask Audrey to come over, Audrey would come. Emma would apologize, Audrey would deflect. They could stay like this for hours, sitting quietly next to each other. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable. Silence was a common thing these days. Just being in the presence of Emma was enough to calm Audrey down. The emotions she had felt earlier in the car were fizzling beneath the surface. She liked to believe she had the same effect on Emma.

This was their routine. They would talk into the night about their days, about Emma and her mom, Audrey and her dad. Emma would fall asleep and Audrey would sneak downstairs and out the front door. Sometimes she would spend the rest of her night driving, others she would retire to her own room. On lucky nights she would fall asleep on her own. Only once did she dare to lay down next to Emma while they talked. She woke up to the sun in her face and Emma’s arms around her middle. It spooked her like a deer in the woods, eyes widening and heartbeat stuttering. She carefully peeled herself from the other girls grasp, desperate not to wake her up. She hadn’t come over for a two weeks after that. Not until Emma confronted her about it.

Tonight was no different than any other night, Audrey thought. Except when Emma turned her head to look at Audrey. Maybe it was the lack of sleep or the raw emotions still cracking in her bones, but those eyes triggered a million memories. Emma breaking her arm when she fell off her horse at the stables when they were 11. Emma’s heart being broken by her first boyfriend in the 6th grade. Emma when they found Riley’s body on top of the police station. Emma on the dock, covered in her own blood and crawling desperately towards her mother. Emma in the orphanage, face to face with Kieran. Emma when she found out about Piper and Audrey.

Before she knew what was happening, Audrey’s own tears were spilling over into her cheeks and she was standing, darting to the other side of Emma’s room. Her skin was on fire and her hands were in her hair, tugging in a desperate attempt to ground herself. She turned to face the wall as “oh god, I’m so sorry Emma I’m so sorry” spilled out of her mouth like a chant. It was as if she blinked and her whole world came crashing down. Maybe it was never standing in the first place. The surge of emotion she felt in her car came back, slamming into her as if she had actually hit that tree. It knocked the air out of her. Her scalp was burning under the tight grip of her fingers, her knuckles whitening. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Emma didn’t call her here to watch her break down.

Audrey didn’t deserve Emma. Not as a friend, not even as someone who got the honor of laying their eyes on her. The words _killer, killer, killer_ echoed in her head like a heartbeat. It’s sinister, dripping down her spine like the voice of someone she wished she have never met. She knew what she was. She was a monster. She was a sinner. Nothing could wash her hands of the blood that stained them. The human body holds roughly 8 pints of blood and she was drowning in gallons from the innocent. Every life lost at her hands wrapped their way around her like the chains Kieran locked her in. _Why did I live? It should have been me. It should have always been me._

Suddenly Emma’s hands were on her, grabbing her shoulders, spinning her around. Audrey barely fought back, her body crashing into Emma’s. When she lands she is reminded of who she really is. She is not gunshots ripping through the cool night air. She is shaking hands and rising speedometers. Her knuckles turn white on her steering wheel from fear and anxiety. She is rattled breathing and bad decisions. She is sleepless nights and racing thoughts. Her gun powder is only a smoke screen and behind it stands an 18 year old girl, just trying to keep living in the wake of her friends murders.


End file.
